


Just Off the Key of Reason

by LTiger (Lazarusmycroft)



Category: MorMor - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: And blowjobs, Blood, Knives, M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, Strong Language, Violence, agatha is sebastians sister, and also angst bc its mormor, and also masturbation, and oops, au with young jim and young seb, just out of university, mormor, she has a hot boyfriend named Jim, there's sex, things get uncomfortable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarusmycroft/pseuds/LTiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian's sister, Agatha, is dating a guy named Jim.  Jim and Sebastian happen to meet over a pint at the local pub at Agatha's insistence and the attraction is immediate.  They have to come to grips with what happens and figure some way out of the mess they create because they are incapable of keeping their hands off of each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian awoke and he just knew that it was early. _Too_ early. He also knew that something had caused him to wake and it took nothing more than simply rolling his head to the side to discover the cause.

“ _Fuck_.”

“Mmhmm…” came the response from the messy black haired head on the pillow beside him.

This had not been his plan, not really. No. He had gone out to the pub for a few pints with his younger sister and a few of her mates. She had begun dating a new guy a few months ago and she desperately wanted Sebastian to meet him.  However, he was not supposed to have _shagged_ her new boyfriend. That was _not_ the plan. He closed his eyes tightly and took a quick survey of his body, hoping sincerely that he was wrong about last night. He wasn’t. He was naked and he was very much aware that the man next to him was too. _Fuck_!

He took a breath, “Jim?” his voice was still groggy with sleep but even so it sounded so wary and uncertain and he flinched internally.

“Mmmm?” Jim responded without rolling over.

Sebastian wanted to touch him- he wanted to reach over and trace the just visible bones of his vertebrae until the line ended at the small round bump of his naked arse- he forcibly restrained himself. “Jim..uh- we…”

“Can your moral dilemma possibly wait until I’ve at least opened my eyes all the way?”

_Jesus Christ! That voice! That was at least half the problem here, Sebastian thought_.

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb and tried desperately to recall the events of the previous evening. He’d reluctantly agreed to meet his sister and her mates at the pub after she’d phoned him several times begging for him to join them. He vaguely remembered thinking that he’d ditch them quickly by claiming not to feel well but when he’d arrived they all bought him a drink and he actually found himself having fun.

He opened his eyes and was suddenly looking directly into the astonishingly gorgeous eyes of Jim. They had no color, it seemed like color was absorbed by those two orbs and they were currently sparkling at him and just a hint of his white teeth were showing from beneath his delicately pink lips. Sebastian groaned.

“I know.” Jim said before he could say anything. “I get it...I’m sorry” he made to get out of the messy bed.

Sebastian grabbed his wrist before he could go anywhere. “No.” he pulled him down and on top of his chest, “You’re not sorry. At least- I- uh hope not. But we need to talk-I think.”

Jim seemed almost embarrassed but after last night Sebastian found that very hard to believe. “Look- Sebastian I underst-” he couldn’t continue his thought just then however because Sebastian had chosen that moment to kiss him. Without thinking or caring he simply grabbed Jim by the jaw and covered his mouth with his own. Jim almost protested but then gave in happily. A few moments later and after a fair amount of groping and caressing and even more messed hair Jim rolled away and laid on his back. Sebastian caught his breath and rolled to lean on one arm so he could look down at Jim and his dark, messy hair on the white pillowcase.

“This is-” he began.

“Complicated?” Jim finished with a small, humorless laugh.

Sebastian paused, “to say the least, yeah.”

They were both silent then for a while until Jim’s mobile chirped from somewhere on the floor and they looked at each other with wide eyes. They both knew instinctually who it was. Sebastian’s sister. And Jim’s girlfriend.

“You should-uh- you should answer that.” Sebastian commented with eyes averted but Jim didn’t move.

“I-can’t” he swallowed hard, “not right this moment.”

Sebastian thought about it for a second. “Okay, yeah-okay. So, uh, we- um- we need to figure this out, right? Right.” he answered his own question.

Jim was still lying on his back, distractingly naked, next to Sebastian. He was half smiling and had his eyes closed while Sebastian could feel his blood pressure rising as he thought through their situation feeling slightly hysterical.

“Okay, so Agatha doesn’t have to know anything right? You’ll just tell her that you were too pissed to go all the way home and since my flat was closer I just had you crash here. We don’t have to uh- ever talk about- er- _this_ again and we will pretend it never happened.” 

Jim had opened his eyes and rolled to his side so he was looking directly at Sebastian as he finished speaking. His gaze was intense and his expression seemed almost wounded. His voice was very soft as he spoke, as though he was using every ounce of effort to keep it from cracking. “Is-is that what you really want to happen, Sebastian? We just go on with our lives and pretend this-” he gestured vaguely to each of them, “never happened? Can you really do that?”

Sebastian groaned and flopped back onto his pillow so he was looking up at the white tiled ceiling. He was frustrated and upset but also contradictorily happy and extremely aroused by the naked man lying next to him. He slapped both hands over his face and shut his eyes tight.

“No, Jim. For fuck’s sake, I can’t pretend it didn’t happen and I sure as _fuck_ won’t be able to go on living and not wish it could happen again and again but fucking hell, I don’t see any other options do you?” he kept his eyes closed until he felt icy cold hands on his own warm ones and then had them gently tugged away and Jim was looking down on him with an odd expression. Happiness? Confusion? Gratitude? Horniness? He just couldn’t tell.

“We’ll figure it out my dear, we will. But I think it might be best if I go and see your sister before she gets really worked up.” he leaned down and kissed Sebastian very gently a few times on his mouth while not letting go of his hands then he sat up and flung his legs over the bed and stood up.

Sebastian groaned and closed his eyes tightly again as he had a nice view of Jim’s naked arse and that was honestly the last thing he needed just now. He heard Jim chuckle quietly.

When he was sure that he could trust himself he opened his eyes again just in time to see Jim pulling his wrinkled t-shirt over his head. He just watched him for a minute and felt sad and empty now that he was alone in his bed.

When Jim was completely dressed and just about to leave the room he stopped and leaned against the door-frame, his eyes were so dark they seemed almost black once again. His mobile chirped again and he glanced at the display briefly.

“I’ve got to run darling, but I was just uhm- hoping I might see you tonight.”

Sebastian couldn’t resist and he felt a wide smile spread across his face. “Deal with my sister and try not to hurt her, yeah? I’ll be at the pub later if you need a pint, you can find me there.”


	2. Chapter 2

After Jim left and he was alone with his troubled thoughts he forced himself out of bed and into the shower. Everything was so fucked up right now and he wasn’t entirely sure that he hadn’t dreamt the whole thing but when he looked down at his chest in the shower and saw the bruise from a bite mark on his skin he knew it was real. He smiled ruefully. He had been very drunk but bits and pieces came floating into his consciousness and he would inevitably blush.

Jim was amazing and he had just had one of the most pleasurable nights of his life and he just wanted to fuck the man night after night, several times a night and he had to turn the water in the shower to ice cold just to calm himself enough to get out.

Even so, he couldn’t help sliding one hand up and down the wet shaft of his erect cock as he imagined Jim’s mouth on his neck and then his collar bone and suddenly he was moving his hand faster as he closed his eyes and imagined that he could feel Jim from the night before as he rubbed his hips against Sebastian’s and their sweat dampened skin stuck slightly. He remembered how he had then slid his hand around and cupped Jim’s arse tightly in his hand but never moved his mouth away from the other’s.  He imagined that he could again feel the tightness of Jim as he slid one finger and then a second inside and he felt again the nip that he received on his bottom lip as Jim gasped in pleasure.

When he opened his eyes again he was on his knees in his bathroom and grasping on to the sink for support as he came all over his hand and the floor. His breath was shallow and he swallowed hard as he closed his eyes and leaned against the cold counter for support. When his breathing returned to normal and his legs no longer felt shaky, he stood up and cleaned off again.

He slid his pants on and rubbed his eyes as he left the room and flopped on the sofa still trying to come up with a solution that would work for everyone because he knew that they could not continue to carry on this way behind his sister’s back, he wasn’t a very good person but he really didn’t want to do this to her, she didn’t deserve it and he knew that.

He must’ve dozed off then because he awoke some time later to his mobile buzzing on the table and he groggily realized that the sun was beginning to set. He grabbed the phone and saw that he had just missed a call from his sister and it hadn’t been the first time she had called either, he felt his heart plummet and land somewhere near his navel. Had Jim come clean to her? Had he told her everything? Was she calling to tear him apart? He rubbed his eyes and hoped for the best as he redialed her. She answered quickly.

“Hey, what’s up sis?” he asked sounding more casual than he actually felt.

_~”’What’s up?!’ I’ve been phoning you for the last hour and you are completely unreachable and that’s all you have to say to me? ‘What’s up?’”~_

“I’m sorry….I dozed off and I didn’t hear my mobile. Is everything alright?” his chest was feeling tight.

_~“No! Everything’s not alright Seb! What on Earth did you do to my boyfriend last night?”~_

“Uh- I-” he was stuttering and he hated himself.

She laughed, _~“He is not allowed to drink with you anymore Seb! He is so sick that he could barely keep his poor head up when he came to see me before! I knew better than to try and keep up with you which is why I left when I did last night! I guess he learned his lesson though!”~_

Sebastian was silent. He could hear his heart beating.

_~“Seb? Are you still there?” ~_

He cleared his throat and tried desperately to speak, “I-uh- yeah. I’m here. So, he’s uh, pretty ill, huh? Poor bloke, I guess he’s not as tough as I thought. Heh.” he could hear how hollow and fake his voice sounded and he knew that Agatha would too so he shifted topic. “So, you’re not angry with him- or me? That I kept him out last night?” he asked uncertainly.

_~“Angry? NO! Why on earth would I be angry? I’m delighted that you two hit it off so well! I never dreamed that you’d approve, I mean… I know you never cared for any of my previous boyfriends so I’m quite pleased that you got on. Listen, Mum and Dad are coercing me and Jim into dinner tomorrow night, please will you come too?”~_

“Oh- Ag- I don’t think that’d be a good idea. You know how things are. I’m sorry, I don’t think I can.”

_~“Seb! C'mon I’d do it for you and plus I think it would make Jim more comfortable if you were there too, Dad asks the most awkward questions.”~_

“I really don’t think I can but I’ll tell you what, I’ll think about it and I’ll ring you tomorrow, okay?”

After a bit more attempting to persuade him she agreed that she’d let him think for a bit and talk tomorrow. He ended the call and flung his mobile onto the sofa cushion like it had bitten him. He rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about how fucked his life had just become. It was one thing to bring the random stranger home after a night in the pub but it was so much more fucked when you brought home your sister’s boyfriend. _Goddammit_.

He splashed some water on his face and threw on a pair of jeans and a dark t-shirt. He thought he looked good and not as though he’d put too much thought into his outfit-perfect. He left the flat around eight and made for the pub which was in stumbling distance.

He’d been sitting alone and fiddling with his mobile for a while when he suddenly felt someone staring at him. He looked up slowly and was immediately captivated by Jim’s gaze. He was sitting a few seats away and his eyes were sparkling with amusement. Sebastian smiled uncertainly and felt a flutter in his stomach. He got the barkeep’s attention and ordered a drink for Jim before he stood and moved down the few seats to sit beside him.

“So, what brings you here?” he asked lamely and immediately hated himself, luckily Jim found him cute and he grinned.

Sebastian cleared his throat, “I talked to my sister earlier.” he kept his eyes straight ahead and didn’t dare to look Jim directly in the eye.

“Mmmm. As did I.” Jim sipped his drink and never once lowered his gaze from Sebastian’s face.

“So?” Sebastian prompted, now he turned and looked at the other man.

He shrugged, “so what? I didn’t say much, I just explained that I’d had too much to drink and told her I needed a day to just lie around at home, which is where I’m supposed to be right now.”

“Jim- I don’t think- I can’t continue to lie to her.”

Jim reached his hand under the bar and laid it on Sebastian’s knee, squeezing gently and then moving it higher, to his inner thigh. Sebastian blushed crimson.

“Relax Sebastian. We aren’t going to continue lying to her. Let’s just enjoy tonight though? We’ll deal with this.”

After that Sebastian relaxed slightly but he was constantly worried about someone coming in who might know them but thankfully no one did. A few pints later and they were laughing and talking as though they’d known one another for a lifetime and Sebastian even paused to enjoy how comfortable it felt in Jim’s presence.

He finally looked at his watch and saw that it was heading for midnight and at the same time he realized that he badly needed to go to the toilet since he hadn’t gone even once since he’d been here and he’d had a fair amount of lager over the past couple of hours.

“”M going to the toilet. Be righ’ back.” he mumbled to Jim as he hoisted himself unsteadily from the stool.

In the bathroom he felt like he’d never stop pissing and he had to hold on to the wall to keep himself steady. Finally after what seemed like forever he shook himself and zipped up. At the sink he washed his hands and then splashed cold water on his face in an attempt to sober up. When he’d wiped the water from his eyes and looked into the mirror he was startled to see Jim standing behind him, arms folded across his chest and causing his white t-shirt to rise up from his trousers and reveal a bit of his skin.

Sebastian swallowed hard.

“I was beginning to think that you’d snuck out the back of the pub, you were gone so long.” his eyes were amused and he was smiling.

“I- I wouldn’ do that.” Sebastian mumbled in reply and then Jim was right in front of him and pushing him back into the counter with the sink.

He reached his cold hands up and held Sebastian’s head steady as he leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth, Sebastian responded instantly and he put his hands on Jim’s hips to pull their bodies together. Jim leaned right into him and Sebastian wrapped his arms around him and held on tightly as they kissed. He could feel himself becoming aroused and couldn’t help shifting his hips to try and make himself comfortable and Jim laughed breathlessly into his mouth.

“I know.” he mumbled as he slid one hand lower to grab the front of Sebastian’s jeans, Sebastian moaned in frustration. “Let’s go back to my place.” Jim didn’t say anything immediately, instead he began kissing Sebastian’s neck and ear, using his tongue to trace his way over the stubble.

“Mmmm, your place. Alright then.” he slipped his hand inside the waist of Sebastian’s jeans, “Yeah, that seems like a really good idea.” his eyes glittered devilishly as he turned and made to leave the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

The two men stumbled laughing and holding on to one another through the darkened streets on their way back to Sebastian’s flat.  It wasn't a far walk but it was really very pleasant.  Sebastian thought vaguely that he couldn’t remember when he’d last felt this happy. It had been a long time, probably even long before he and his father had had their enormous fight. But he wasn’t thinking of that now, not tonight. Tonight he was enjoying himself and he loved the way Jim grabbed his hand and swung their arms playfully.

Just outside of the brick fronted building and in the shadow of a large shrub Sebastian grabbed Jim by his waist and pulled him in tightly to kiss him. He lowered his head and paused less than an inch from Jim’s lips and allowed himself a moment to appreciate the beauty of Jim’s eyes once more, they were simultaneously tumultuous and serene, they told of his intelligence and his ambition but also it seemed when he looked at Sebastian that he would soften and become who Sebastian needed him to be.

The moment passed and Sebastian leaned all the way forward to put his lips on Jim’s and slide his tongue inside his mouth with purpose. Jim never even hesitated to respond, he closed his eyes and allowed Sebastian full access. Sebastian slid his tongue along the row of Jim’s perfect, white teeth and then gently sucked on his tongue before pulling back again and grabbing Jim’s hand to lead him upstairs.

Just inside the door Sebastian didn’t even wait for it to shut properly and he had Jim pinned against the wall and was sliding his hands up his chest and under his shirt. He continued to kiss him on his mouth, his neck, his jaw and anywhere else that his flesh was accessible. He couldn’t get enough and he had sobered up enough on the walk home to properly enjoy himself. Jim allowed his shirt to be lifted over his head and discarded on the floor as Sebastian continued to kiss and nip and lick at every possible bit of skin.

He reached for the hem of Sebastian’s soft t-shirt and they pulled it over his head where it got momentarily stuck and they both laughed until they freed him. Once the shirt was safely discarded Sebastian leaned forward and braced both hands on either side of Jim’s head against the wall. “Jesus _Christ_ , Jim. You do something unholy to me.”

Jim smiled, “Yeah, I could say the same. C’mere.” he put his hand inside the waist of Sebastian’s jeans and pulled him even closer so they could continue kissing. It was only a moment longer until Sebastian grabbed Jim’s hands and led him toward the bedroom where he pushed him playfully down on the unmade bed. Sebastian straddled Jim’s legs and undid the button and zipper on his trousers so he could pull them off and throw them on the floor amidst other discarded clothing. He smiled to see Jim was as hard as he was and then he reached down and undid his own jeans and flung them off easily as he slowly moved up Jim’s body, sucking and licking kissing all the way and paying extra attention to his hard nipples which made Jim arch his back.

Finally when he reached his jaw and mouth he kissed him softly and slowly all along the line of his jaw and the dark hair that had started to grow there already and then he made his way to the man’s mouth where he stopped and kissed him tenderly several times before sliding his hands low once more to slip inside Jim’s pants and grasp him firmly. Jim groaned against Sebastian’s mouth as he began to move his hand slowly up and down the length while still tenderly kissing and sucking on Jim’s bottom lip.

“Christ, Sebastian.” Jim mumbled between kissing.

“Mmmm...not quite…” Sebastian muttered against Jim’s jaw and then he took his hand away and used both to remove Jim’s pants and his own.

He didn’t think he’d ever quite get tired of the look Jim gave him when he stood naked beside the bed and fumbled in the side table for a small bottle. Having found it he climbed back in bed and pulled Jim to him again. Almost immediately they had become a tangle of limbs and couldn’t get enough of each other. Sebastian flipped open the lid of the bottle and squirted a bit on his hand which he then moved low to Jim’s arse and he slid two fingers inside causing both of their hearts to beat intensely. Jim had been nibbling on his ear and he bit down slightly harder than intended when Sebastian slid a third finger in.

They were both covered in sweat and their hearts were beating so loudly that they could probably be heard in the next town over. Sebastian slid his fingers out and put some of the lube on his own cock and positioned Jim just perfectly, they were eye to eye, just the way Sebastian loved it. “You okay?” he asked Jim.

Jim rolled his eyes playfully, “How long d’you think I’m planning on waiting?”

Sebastian grinned and slowly slid his cock inside and had to stop from shouting out, it felt just as amazing as he’d remembered from last night. Jim closed his eyes and bit his lip while leaning his head back, making his Adam’s apple pronounced. Sebastian slowly started grinding his hips forward and backward while Jim moved his body in time. Keeping his hands on Jim’s arse as they moved he couldn’t completely stop himself from groaning with pleasure and Jim seemed incapable of keeping quiet as well as he let out small gasps here and there and when he felt the tempo needed to quicken he took matters into his own hands and began rocking faster and harder until it was all Sebastian could do not to scream but he wanted to go deeper and harder. He moved his hips forward with intensity and he watched the blissful expression on Jim's beautiful face as he kept up the motion.  He could feel Jim clenching around him and then he felt the hot, sticky substance on his stomach and then both of their breathing heightened and then began to slowly return to normal as final waves of their orgasm rolled through them.

Sebastian hadn’t pulled out yet and would occasionally shudder. They laid together for a while then- sticky and damp from sweat- until they both decided they needed to clean up. They both went to the bathroom and sleepily stepped into the shower together. They let the water run over them while they just lazily kissed and touched one another, there wasn’t anything sexual about it, not really, they were both tired and they helped each other to wash off and then slowly stepped out and went back to the bed where they flopped down, Jim curled immediately to Sebastian’s side as it was chilly in the room and Sebastian welcomed his body against his own. He wrapped one arm around Jim and they both fell directly off to sleep.

It was only a few hours later when they were awakened by the sound of a mobile phone buzzing from somewhere on the hardwood floor. Jim was groggy and irritated and then he sat bolt upright. The clock on the side table said 8:37 a.m. in red numbers. He looked at Sebastian with fear in his eyes as he jumped from the bed to retrieve his mobile. He had four missed calls and a text from Agatha.

_~Jim, just stopped by your flat to see how you were feeling and you weren’t around. call me soon pls.~_

He was speechless as he looked at Sebastian where he sat naked on the bed. Sebastian patted the bed for Jim to join him. He took the mobile from him and wrapped his arm around him and kissed him softly on the mouth while cradling his head.

“Call her back. Tell her you had a meeting and it happened to be around the corner from where I live, we bumped into each other at the coffee shop and had a latte together. She’ll be delighted and there _is_ a bank not far from there, tell her you’re thinking of changing your account and tell her you’ll see her soon and that you were able to talk me into joining you for dinner tonight.” he grimaced at the last part but leaned in and kissed Jim softly on his jaw just near his ear. “Go on.”

Jim dialed the phone then and told Agatha all that Sebastian had said. He delivered it flawlessly, his voice never even cracked once and it seemed that Agatha had been satisfied as he ended the call he flopped back into the pillows and let out a breath. Sebastian smiled and laid on top of him and began kissing his chest gently.

“You’re coming to dinner tonight? Agatha told me how you and your father hate one another. Will you be okay?” Jim asked after a few moments.

“I’ll be fine, you’ll be there.” Jim was quiet, “besides, every man should face his demons, eh?”

Jim smiled reluctantly, “But I won’t be there with you, I’ll be with Agatha. Won’t that be difficult?”

Sebastian thought for a minute, “Sure, it will, but it’s fine, really.” he continued to kiss Jim’s chest and he laid his head over his heart as he spoke again, “like I said, you’ll be there.” he closed his eyes and hoped he was doing the right thing.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim finally left Sebastian’s flat as it was close to noon and Sebastian hated how empty the place felt without the man. It had only been the past two nights that they’d spent together and yet he already felt woven into the fabric of Sebastian’s life; it was strange and kind of nice in a heart breaking sort of way.

He decided to busy himself for a while and went for a nice long run in the nearby park and he felt great when he came back. It wasn’t until he had finished his third bottle of water that his brain reminded him that he had agreed to dinner with his parents and his sister and her boyfriend whom he had been happily fucking for the past two nights. He shook his head and leaned against the counter.

How the fuck was he supposed to get through this night?

His father hated his very presence, the feeling was mutual for Sebastian so that wasn’t really an issue but his mother barely concealed her contempt for him and that stung a bit more. The only family member that didn’t despise him and actually _wanted_ to be in his company was his sister and here he was shagging her boyfriend behind her back. He needed his head examined he decided.

Dinner was at eight so Sebastian showered and dressed in fitted black slacks with a white button up and dark tie, they were dining at the new Italian place in town and it was a dressy kind of joint. His mother had kindly phoned him earlier to inform him of the reservation and to make certain that he’d dress appropriately as though he were some kind of hobo who only owned ripped jeans and t-shirts; yes that was more than half his wardrobe but he did actually own some nice things as well.

He had arrived at the restaurant before anyone else so he wandered to the bar and ordered a scotch to try and calm his nerves. It didn’t help but it at least gave him something to do while he waited which wasn’t a terribly long time. He had barely finished his drink when he saw them approaching the glass doors as their car was driven away by the valet. They had apparently all traveled together, great.

He walked to the lobby and met them.

Jim looked amazing in a dark grey, fitted and well tailored suit. It was obviously expensive and custom made as it seemed to hug his very body. His raven colored hair was slicked perfectly away from his face and his eyes were sparkling as he looked at Sebastian appreciatively which made Sebastian smile shyly. Thankfully the glance seemed to go unnoticed by everyone else.

His father- a tall handsome man whom Sebastian strongly resembled with his ginger hair, stormy grey eyes and strong jaw- held his hand out curtly to shake with Sebastian and barely met his eye, his mother leaned up and kissed him quickly on each cheek. His sister, however, flung both arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Her auburn hair was tied in a neat bun at her neck and her simple black dress and pearls were perfect on her.

“I am so glad you came Seb.” she whispered in his ear as she kissed his cheek. He hated himself.

They were seated promptly and Sebastian’s parents couldn’t comment enough on the fact that they had been given a very private corner of the restaurant and surely it must be because someone- the owner probably- had recognized the name. Sebastian ordered another scotch, no ice.

They made it through drinks and appetizers uneventfully- at least as far as everyone else was concerned but Sebastian was feeling hot under the collar every time he and Jim locked eyes- but Sebastian seemed to go mostly unnoticed by his parents which was perfectly fine by him. Jim was sitting across from him and had been pinned between Agatha and their mother. Sebastian was anxious and couldn’t resist flicking his eyes in Jim’s direction constantly but at the same time he didn’t want to look up from his hand which was cupping the drink on the table. He couldn’t remember ever feeling more uncomfortable in his life, not even when he was arrested the first time and he had to call his parents for bail.

“Seb?” Agatha was calling his name from across the table, he’d been busy staring at her boyfriend.

He recovered, “Hmm?”

She gave him a funny look, “I was just telling mum and dad that I plan to study abroad next semester and I’m wondering what you think?”

“Oh- er...yeah- you should. It’d be very good for you. You both studied abroad, right?” he asked his parents.

They said they had and everyone began discussing Agatha’s future and how bright her prospects were and that was where everything changed.

“What about you darling?” his mother was addressing Jim now. “Do you think that you’ll continue your studies?”

Jim placed his silverware on his plate and took a sip of his wine, “Oh, yes. I’m certain that I will. I thought I might spend a year or so in China.”

“Oh! That’s lovely.” his mother smiled broadly and then turned her gaze on Sebastian.

He groaned inwardly. She’d had two glasses of wine and that was far past her limit and he knew that and he knew very well what was coming next. “And I suppose we can continue to keep our expectations low for you, dear?” she was looking directly across the table at Sebastian.

“Well-” he said as he took another gulp of his wine, “I’d hate to see you so terribly let down, so- yeah- keep them low.”

His father decided to join in just now, besides, he would never miss an opportunity to tell Sebastian what a failure he was. “Apologize Sebastian. You don’t speak to your mother that way.”

Sebastian didn’t say a word but he didn’t lower his gaze from his father’s either and he could feel Agatha stiffen and become tense; she’d seen this before.

“We have done everything for you, _everything_! And you don’t even have the common decency to treat us with the respect we deserve.”

“That’s a matter of opinion.” Sebastian responded coldly.

“No! No, it isn’t! We have clothed and fed you and educated you to the best of our abilities and yet you continue to go against us at every turn! What’s wrong with you?”

Sebastian could feel his blood pressure rising and he knew he must be turning an unpleasant shade of crimson. He flicked his gaze briefly to Jim and saw the look of apprehension on his face as he and Agatha sat holding hands. That made him even more angry and he looked back at his father, his nerves and his anxiety were at the breaking point and having a target to take his frustration out on seemed helpful at the moment.

“What’s wrong with _me_? You wanna know? Let’s start with the fact that no matter what I did or do I will _never_ be good enough! What does _Sir_ Augustus want from me? Play football? Got it! I get told after every match how much better I could have done. Shall I do well in school? Fine! I’m still not going to do anything to uphold the honor of the name ‘Moran’. You know what? Fuck the name ‘Moran’!” he was standing as he finished and so was his father who looked irate and Jim who was preparing to have to break up a brawl.

“How dare you? Who do you think you are?” his father looked as though he were about to explode but Sebastian didn’t even care.

“How dare I? How dare _you_? I’d rather be a disgrace to a name than a sellout like you.”

Sir Augustus slammed his fist down hard on the table and he was trembling. The clatter of the silverware got everyone’s attention if they hadn’t already been paying attention. “Get out- I don’t ever want to see your face again.”

Sebastian didn’t even hesitate, he turned and stormed from the restaurant and into the chilly night air which hit him sharply before he turned and made for the nearest pub. His only goal now was to get pissed, he wanted to forget that his surname was Moran, he wanted to forget that he was a failure according to his parents and most of all he wanted to slip into a coma so he could, _for fuck’s sake_ , forget that he loved Jim Moriarty, his sister’s boyfriend, more than it was reasonable for anyone to love another human.

He hadn’t been standing at the the dingy bar for very long when the door opened again and he turned to see Jim- so beautiful and glamorous in his amazing suit- walking toward him. He felt as though he could’ve cried. All the anger and frustration and anxiety from the past few hours seemed to simply flow out of him and he just wanted to collapse into Jim’s arms, not that he could right here, however.

He finished his ale as Jim reached him. “Why’re you here Jim? They’ll get suspicious.”

Jim ordered a beer and turned to Sebastian, he put his hand briefly but tenderly on Sebastian’s, “Your sister asked me to come and follow you.”

Sebastian laughed humorlessly, “Ironic.” he muttered.

“Sebastian, lets get out of here and talk, please? This isn’t the answer to what just happened.”

Sebastian arched his eyebrows, “oh, and you have the answer?”

Jim seemed agitated, “no, I don’t but I want to listen to you, I want you to get it off your chest. You can’t do that here. C’mon.” he gently grabbed Sebastian’s elbow and directed him to the door as he left some money on the bar.

Sebastian was already tipsy so he waited outside on the pavement, smoking a cigarette. When the door opened and Jim stepped out, looking around for him, Sebastian grabbed and pinned him against the brick wall of the building.

“Jesus Christ Jim,” he said as he leaned forward to keep him from going anywhere, “I just fucking met you, I know _nothing_ about you but I can’t fucking get enough.” then he leaned all the way forward and kissed him. He didn’t even care if anyone saw he just needed the physical contact and Jim’s hands winding through his hair did the exact trick.


	5. Chapter 5

Jim’s grip tightened on the back of Sebastian’s head and his body moved forward as the kiss intensified. The night was cold and it had begun to drizzle but neither of them seemed to care- it was like their blood was responding to the other man. Sebastian was holding Jim’s face in his hands and he was able to momentarily forget the whole evening and the fight with his father and the way his mother looked at him with such disdain and the look of pity on his sister’s face. None of that mattered right in this moment.

“That’s fucking disgusting! You’re on a public street doing that!” an angry voice came from behind Sebastian and he stiffened and opened his eyes to see Jim’s expression of horror.

He took a deep breath and turned around to see two guys, one was tall and muscular and wearing a leather jacket and had tattoos on his shaved head. The other was shorter and heavier but looking just as angry and ready for a fight which Sebastian and Jim had conveniently provided the provocation for.

“Nobody wants to watch you two _homos_ doing that!”

Sebastian was becoming furious and he knew that one more word from this guy and he was going to lose it completely.

“Walk away.” he said quietly and sounding very calm which was the complete opposite of how he actually felt.

The scumbag laughed and turned to his friend who was grinning stupidly now.

“Walk away? Or what? You gonna try to kiss me too?!” he was howling with laughter now and he had no time to react before Sebastian’s fist connected solidly with his jaw. The man staggered but his friend recovered faster and was on Sebastian in a second. He hit him on his right eye and Sebastian immediately felt the warm, sticky blood ooze but he didn’t care. He spun around and landed a solid hit on the shorter guy and watched with satisfaction as he went to his knees where Sebastian promptly brought his own knee to the man’s chin and sent him sprawling.

The tall one had recovered now and came at Sebastian and it was a moment too late that Sebastian realized he had a gleaming and wickedly sharp knife. He slashed wildly and Sebastian was stunned when he felt the sharp and searing pain across his abdomen.

There were shouts and people running to phone the police and it was at that point that the two thugs hauled off.  Everything had been dimmed and muted and suddenly the world came flooding back in high definition.  Jim grabbed Sebastian around his middle just as he was about to slump to his knees.

“C’mon love, I’ll get you home. It’ll be alright, c’mon.”

Sebastian had pressed his hand to his now crimson shirt and held on tightly. The pain had subsided slightly but he suspected that that was less because it had actually stopped hurting than it was that he was going numb from shock.

Jim managed to get them both quickly to Sebastian’s car where he’d left it outside the restaurant which was now dark and closed for business. He drove them back to Sebastian’s place and Sebastian watched the man’s face the whole time, he seemed paler than usual and scared but determined.

Sebastian reached his hand over to Jim’s knee, “I’m okay Jim. Its a very shallow cut,” he winced, “really, I’ll be fine. Are you okay?”

Jim laughed a bit hysterically, “You’re asking me if I’m okay? You’re sitting there- covered in blood- _most of which is your own_ , and you’re concerned about me.” he shook his head and stared straight ahead as he drove.

Sebastian closed his eyes, his head was beginning to ache and he could feel his eye swelling up. _What a night_.

When they reached his flat Jim came around to his side and helped him out, Sebastian tried to pretend he didn’t need the help but he really did and he finally allowed Jim to put his arm around his waist and guided him toward the stairs.

“Your suit….I don’t wanna get...blood-” Sebastian mumbled as they went up the stairs together.

“Shut up.” Jim responded as he took Sebastian’s key and unlocked the door. “Go to the bathroom, I’ll be right in. Take your shirt off.”

Sebastian was too tired and in too much pain to argue so he did as he was told. He had only unbuttoned it however when Jim came in carrying a bottle of liquor and two glasses. Jim put the items down on the counter and reached out to help Sebastian remove the ruined shirt, though he tried hard, he couldn’t conceal the wince as he slid the shirt off.

“Here.” Jim handed him a glass of amber liquid, “drink it all.” he commanded as he filled the sink with warm water and he rifled through the medicine cabinet finding all the items he’d need. When he had everything he rolled up his bloody sleeves and got to work.

Sebastian wondered absently when he took off his suit coat but then his abdomen began stinging horribly and all coherent thought seemed to have fled. He bit down on the inside of his cheek as Jim got to work cleaning and bandaging the cut.

“It wasn’t very deep, you probably could use a few stitches but I think you’ll be okay.”  he said at last.

Sebastian looked down and saw that Jim had cleaned and bandaged the slice and was now washing his hands and cleaning out the sink. When he finished he poured two more drinks and handed one to Sebastian.

“Your shirt is ruined. ‘M sorry.” Sebastian mumbled as he took a gulp of his drink.

Jim shook his head and continued to gaze at Sebastian, “Do you really think that matters?”

“Jim, I-”

Jim put his glass on the counter and moved toward Sebastian. He lifted his head with his finger and kissed him softly on the mouth. Sebastian’s head was pounding and his stomach was burning and every one of his muscles seemed to be in extreme agony.

“It’s been a really long night my love, lets get you to bed.”

Sebastian shook his head and tried to focus, his headache was beginning to blind him but he had so much he wanted to say to Jim before he passed out. His efforts were fruitless though because he couldn’t even resist as Jim bent low and hoisted him to his feet and directed him toward his bed. Jim helped him out of his trousers and into the bed and then he sat on the edge of the bed as Sebastian fought to keep his eyes open.

“Sebastian, I can’t stay tonight. Agatha is waiting for me and I think I need to go and see how things are. Will you be okay?”

Sebastian mumbled a reply that was vaguely, “yes”

“I’ll come back tomorrow, I promise. Will you phone me if you need me?”

Sebastian agreed that he would and then Jim leaned down and kissed him on the mouth very softly. He was troubled and worried and he didn’t seem to want to stop kissing Sebastian’s lips but eventually he knew he had to go so he reluctantly kissed him one last time and made to stand up. Sebastian grabbed his arm to hold him there, he wanted to say something- anything- but in the end he just couldn’t and so he said, “Thanks.” and Jim smiled and stood to leave.

“Get some rest, I’ll be by tomorrow.”


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times before trying to sit up. He was slowly remembering the events of the previous evening and his head was still sore along with his swollen eye but it wasn’t until he moved to sit up and shouted in pain that everything came flooding back. He slumped back into his pillows and grabbed at the red bandage on his stomach. He was in a lot of pain and his head hurt and he was angry with himself and his parents.

He opened his eyes again and turned his head gently to the side and saw a tall glass of water and some painkillers, he was eternally grateful as he tossed them in his mouth and swallowed them. He drifted back to sleep.

It was only a short time later when he heard the door opening in the next room and he opened his eyes quickly to try and jump from the bed. His aching body however protested and he was barely able to get to a sitting position when Jim walked in carrying two styrofoam cups and a brown bag which smelled delicious enough to make Sebastian’s stomach growl.

Jim looked a bit sheepish, “ I hope you uh- don’t mind. I was worried that you might need me and I wouldn’t have any way to get in so I took this with me last night.” he put the little silver key on the bedside table.

Sebastian shook his groggy head and smiled slightly, his headache had gone away but the dull throb on his eye and his abdomen and the bruised knuckles still ached like hell. However, he felt sure that the physical pain would be simple to deal with, it had certainly not been his first ever fight and he could cope with it but the mental agitation he’d been dealing with was nearly unbearable. “Nah, I don’t mind.” he finally responded in a low voice as he gratefully took the steaming coffee which Jim was offering him.

“You look like shit.” Jim observed as he sipped his coffee.

“Yeah, I expect I do.” he was silent and painfully aware that he needed a shower-desperately. He could feel the dried blood around his eye and his stomach but he needed to know some things from Jim first. “So, you see my sister last night?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

Jim nodded and it seemed like he didn’t want to meet Sebastian’s eyes. Sebastian watched him intently, he was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a light colored t-shirt with a lightweight, beige jacket and he looked tired. Sebastian was tired and sore and not thinking clearly-or perhaps he was thinking more clearly than he had been for the past week; whatever the case- he made a decision.

“Look, Jim- I know that this was a bad idea and I think you know it too so it’d probably be for the best if we didn’t see each other again. Thank you for getting me home last night but it’s better if this is the last time we see each other I--think...” he trailed off uncertainly.

Jim didn’t lift his head from the coffee cup in his hands but Sebastian could see that he’d stiffened and his grip on the cup seemed to have intensified.

“Jim?” he was about to try again when Jim finally looked up at him and Sebastian immediately hated himself. Jim’s eyes were bright with unshed tears and the look on his face would’ve broken anyone’s heart.

“Fuck you, Sebastian.” his voice was low and broke a bit at the end.

“Jim, please. We both know that what we were doing was wrong. It’s just-” he broke off and had to look away, Jim’s initial look of hurt and sadness was rapidly turning to anger and confusion.

“No, just-just fuck off! Everything I risked for the past few nights, for being with you and now you just want to act like it was all a fling? _Fuck_ _you_! It’s clear why you’ll never be anything more than you are!” Jim was seething now and he’d chosen the right words because Sebastian felt like he was in more pain after those words than he had been after the knife wound from the night before.

“Jim- “

“No, you know what? I thought you were different, I thought you cared but apparently I was wrong. I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”

Sebastian struggled to a standing position and swayed a bit momentarily. Jim’s hand reflexively twitched as though he wanted to reach for him and stop him falling but then he remembered his anger once again and drew back. Sebastian took a deep breath. It was uncomfortable but he welcomed it.

“Jim- if the circumstances were different. If _you_ weren’t you and I wasn’t _me_ and if it wasn’t my _sister_ -” he rubbed a hand over his face tiredly, “I don’t want it to be this way- I don’t.”

Jim crossed his arms over his chest, “Then don’t _make_ it this way Sebastian.”

Sebastian was tired and angry now, “What the _fuck_ do you want me to do? What the fuck is the answer Jim because you stand there all high and mighty and fucking berate me and tell me _I’m_ nothing and yet _you_ haven’t once come up with a solution. So, be my guest. How do we go on from here?”

Jim was silent and now looked a lot smaller than when he had been belittling Sebastian. Sebastian felt slightly bad about that but not enough to say anything, he was fuming.

Jim finally took a breath and stepped forward so he was standing in front of Sebastian, he tentatively wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s slim waist and laid his head on his chest. “I’m sorry Sebastian, I know what kind of position we are in here but I just don’t-” he broke off and Sebastian’s resolve finally cracked. He wrapped his arms around Jim too, he knew he didn’t want to stay away from this man.

“Jesus, Jim. We need to make some decisions though.” he pulled back to look at Jim’s face and used his thumb to wipe away the tear that had fallen. Kissing his forehead he tugged him down on the bed with him. “I don’t think I can keep my hands off of you, if I’m being honest.” then he took Jim’s face and brought it to his own, they were both smiling sheepishly and then Sebastian kissed him.

They laid back softly and tangled their legs together, Sebastian was slightly uncomfortable and felt the slash in his abdomen tugging a little but he didn’t stop, he just pulled Jim a bit closer. It wasn’t long until he felt himself and Jim becoming aroused and he took the lead and slid his hand inside Jim’s trousers and gripped him. Jim, however, had his own ideas and he pushed Sebastian off of him and onto his back.

Jim gently moved so he was on top and he lowered his mouth to Sebastian’s jaw and neck where he kissed and licked until Sebastian was groaning and tipping his head back. It didn’t require too much encouragement until Jim was moving lower- to his chest and nipples and then lower to his abdomen where he deftly avoided the wound- finally he made his way to the light ginger hair at Sebastian’s navel that led out of sight beneath his pants. Sebastian moaned slightly and moved his hips forward.

“What is it love?” Jim asked innocently but wearing a wicked smirk.

“Fuck you.” Sebastian responded.

“Oh, all right.”

Jim lowered his head again and kissed all around Sebastian’s stomach and hip bones, sucking and licking as he went until Sebastian was all but begging him to suck him off. Jim obliged more than happily. He slid his hands inside Sebastian’s pants and slid them low then he gently and playfully licked Sebastian’s balls which made him move his hips forward again, wanting to thrust his cock down Jim’s throat but Jim stalled him.

After what felt like an eternity Jim finally moved his mouth higher- to Sebastian’s hard cock and he slid the entire thing in his mouth- almost choking. Then he moved his head- slowly at first and then gaining speed which was all it took to do Sebastian in. It was only a few minutes and Sebastian was grabbing the back of Jim’s head and panting.

They then arranged themselves in a comfortable position and quickly fell asleep. Sebastian wrapped his arm tightly around Jim, even in sleep he was terrified of losing him and that was his thought as he drifted off to sleep.

It wasn’t quite daylight when Sebastian awoke and he immediately knew the cause-his bed was cold and empty. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over. No Jim but there was a note. He closed his eyes for a moment longer before reading it.

_~Sebastian- you’re right- of course you are- we are only hurting everyone around us by carrying on this way- though I have enjoyed it- this little game of ours. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me some day or- at the very least- to move on and find happiness. yours truly~ Jim-_


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian read the note several times until finally balling it in his fist and throwing it across the room where it bounced off the wall and landed on the floor where it could stay forever as far as he was concerned. He couldn’t believe it- he absolutely could _not_ believe it. Yes- this was exactly what he had said to Jim yesterday- they needed to call it quits- it was for the best interests of everyone but he hadn’t meant it.

Fuck, he’d happily rip the hearts out of everyone in his life if it meant that he could have Jim back. What did he care if no one in his family spoke to him? More than half of them already despised him and abhorred his very existence so it was nothing new. He laid back and closed his eyes and tried with all his might not to allow the tears to spill but it was useless. He felt more empty and alone than he ever had in his entire life and it was because he knew that this was it- he was going to lose his friends and family anyway because he needed to leave this town- it was the only answer.

He knew he could _never_ stay in a place where he might run the risk of bumping into Jim or seeing him and Agatha out together, he couldn’t take it and he knew that. He was hollow. How could he let this happen? _How_?

He laid there for a while then, thinking and trying to stop the tears. It took longer than expected but eventually he had nothing left- the tears wouldn't come and he had no energy-  he felt like he could just stay where he was and hopefully just waste away to nothing but he also knew that that wasn’t realistic and so he forced himself out of bed.

After he showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt -which he wasn’t entirely sure was clean- he grabbed his keys and mobile and left his flat for the first time in nearly two days. He was still trying to work out what he was going to do- he’d made up his mind that he was getting the fuck out of this town but he had no idea where he was going to go. He thought vaguely that he might go back to school but it didn’t sound as enticing as he would’ve liked so he discarded that idea.

He walked through town aimlessly as it began to get dark and the street lamps flickered to life, the fairy lights on the trunks of the trees he passed reminded him painfully of the night he and Jim walked drunkenly back to his place holding hands and laughing and he had to change his direction to avoid the sight. His chest felt tight and he was hollow inside- he felt like a zombie and his stomach hurt.

His mobile buzzed for the third time from his pocket, he decided to check it because it was getting on his nerves and he considered simply switching it off. As he looked at the display however he felt more like chucking it in the wishing well that he’d stopped near. It was Agatha phoning him and she’d texted him several times as well. He curbed his impulse and switched it off.

Running a hand through his hair roughly he spun on the spot and exhaled dramatically; he was going to use his old faithful coping mechanism and get pissed. He wanted nothing more than to drink himself fucking blind and fuck all if it didn’t make him forget Jim. It _had_ to work, it was the only plan that made sense right now so he made a beeline for the nearest pub.

He was no stranger here and the bartender smiled at him as he entered. The place wasn’t too busy just yet but it was still early so he grabbed a seat at a corner of the bar and watched the patrons as the slowly filtered in in couples and larger parties of friends out for the evening. It seemed as though he went mostly unnoticed- just some random bloke in the pub getting pissed and hoping to forget life for a while- it was a familiar tune for most of the people.

He was on his seventh or eight pint- he couldn't really remember because he was doing shots with each refill on his ale- when he felt someone next to him bump his elbow and he glanced over to see an attractive young man. He had dark hair which was cropped short and well groomed. He had dark skin which was so smooth and looked incredibly soft with eyes so warm and golden brown and he was currently eyeing Sebastian with interest. He was in very good shape and Sebastian appreciated the way he wore his jeans snugly and his sweater even more so.

It might’ve been the ale and the loneliness talking but he struck up a conversation, “Hey.” he sipped his drink, “you here alone?”  he realized that he sounded like an idiot.

The man smiled and Sebastian was relieved. “Yeah, sort of.” he replied and he turned back to his own drink.

Sebastian hated to be a pest but he wanted to keep talking to this man, something about this man was enticing.

He waited a minute or two and then he commented on the football match which was being recapped on the television. The man responded politely but the conversation was tedious so Sebastian gave up and returned his attention to his ale.

Nearly a quarter of an hour passed when he decided to visit the toilet and maybe sneak out the back to smoke before stumbling home so he threw some money down on the bar and heaved himself up from his stool. He hadn’t realized until now just how effective the drinks had been and he had to take a minute to steady himself before wobbling back to the bathroom.

When he finished in the bathroom he was able to slip out the back door and into the cool alley which smelled strongly of urine and damp trash due to the numerous bins along the brick walls. He ignored the repellent odors and lit his cigarette while he leaned his head against the wall and inhaled deeply. His goal had been to get so drunk that he’d forget all about Jim and what he’d done to his life and all he’d achieved was to get sickeningly drunk and still have every vivid memory of the man and he found he missed him even more than before and he wanted to cry.

At that exact moment however the door of the pub opened and the dark, captivating man from the bar stepped out. He was now wearing a dark leather jacket over his snug v-neck sweater that allowed a nice view of his collar bone and hugged his biceps pleasantly. He smiled at Sebastian and fished for a cigarette in his pocket and then seemed to realize he didn’t have a lighter so he looked over and flashed another of his dazzling smiles and asked with his sparkling eyes if he could borrow Sebastian’s lighter.

Sebastian couldn’t resist the temptation and he shoved himself away from the wall and moved over to the man. He held his hand out and flicked the lighter to life as he held it at the end of the cigarette. He let his eyes linger for a moment longer on the other man’s face and he made a point to slide his gaze to the man’s mouth for a moment before stepping back and leaning against the wall once again. He was really unsteady on his feet.

The man smoked his cigarette in silence for a bit and then decided to finally speak when he was almost done smoking. “You’re a very handsome man.” he was looking straight ahead but his mouth was slowly turning into a grin as he then turned his head to look at Sebastian.

“‘M sorry?” Sebastian mumbled in surprise, he was sure that he misheard the man but now he seemed to be moving closer and Sebastian tried to straighten up.

“I said that I find you very handsome.” he paused in front of where Sebastian stood, leaning against the wall for support, “You don’t mind that I noticed, do you?” he asked smirking.

Sebastian shook his foggy head and smiled back, “No- I- uh- no I don’t mind.”

Now he moved even closer, “Good. Then I sincerely hope you won’t mind if I kiss you.” it wasn’t really a question and he didn’t wait for a response before he was on Sebastian- pinning him to the wall behind him. His mouth was warm and tasted pleasantly of the last cigarette and the scotch he’d been drinking but it was unfamiliar and strange. His tongue explored Sebastian’s mouth in ways that he wasn’t used to and it unsettled him for a moment but then he threw caution to the wind and relaxed into it.

Once he let go it was really nice and refreshing, he knew deep down that he just needed the human contact and while he was well aware that he desperately wanted it from Jim he was just as willing to take it from this gorgeous stranger with his perfectly smooth, dark skin and captivating eyes. The man moved away from Sebastian’s mouth and down to his neck.

Sebastian groaned audibly and was shocked when he felt cold hands on his chest, moving under his shirt and he gave in completely knowing fully that he was going to hate himself in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

He closed his eyes and bit his tongue as the man moved to a kneeling position in front of him and used Sebastian’s hips to steady himself. Sebastian found himself imagining Jim and the way his hands had felt on him and it was remarkable how this stranger’s hands seemed to be the exact same icy temperature as Jim’s always were. He forced himself to open his eyes and look down as he felt his trousers being unzipped.

He hadn’t really been expecting Jim, he wasn’t that intoxicated but he also couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed. He was fucked up- nothing was ever going to be the same again and he couldn’t be bothered to stop the man on his knees from taking Sebastian into his mouth and sucking his cock vigorously. He was good- _very_ good and Sebastian was absolutely sure that this wasn’t his first time. He put his hands flat against the damp brick wall and tried to steady himself as he moved his hips forward to the steady bobbing motion of the man and he tried desperately to ignore the sounds coming from him, the licking and sucking and then he closed his eyes tightly and leaned forward slightly with a grunt as he came in the man’s mouth.

He didn’t back away immediately after he finished and Sebastian forced himself to straighten up after a minute causing the other to sit back on his haunches and spit onto the ground before standing up and wiping his mouth. Sebastian took a few deep breaths and redid his trousers while trying to avoid eye contact but it was inevitable and he knew that so he finally lifted his gaze and saw the curious look on the other man’s face.

“You enjoyed that?” it wasn’t truly a question although it masqueraded as one and he didn’t wait for a response, “You are not free. It’s okay, I can tell.” he continued in his soft accent which was hard to place. He stepped forward and placed both palms on Sebastian’s chest and kissed him on the mouth softly. “If ever you do find that you are free, please, call me.” he kissed him gently once more and turned to walk toward the far end of the lane but Sebastian finally found his voice and called to him.

“Wait!” the man paused and turned toward him, his eyes were glittering and Sebastian wished more than anything that he had only met him a week earlier although he wondered if it would even matter anyway. “I-uh...I don’t even know your name- or your number.”

He smiled widely and revealed all his perfect white teeth, “Don’t worry, I’ve left you something. Good night.” then he was gone and Sebastian was alone as he slumped back against the wall and grabbed his stomach, he was sick to death with himself and his wound hurt and he was tired and he could feel the tears threatening to overwhelm him; he needed to get out of here and to his flat as soon as possible.

His chest was tight and painful and his breathing was shallow and hurried and he felt like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs to stop his head from swimming and he took off at a run from the dark alley. He just needed the safety of his own home and he couldn’t get there fast enough, he felt like he was running uphill and his legs were stuck in quicksand.

After what felt like an eternity he reached his building and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning against the wall and retching into the bushes. What had he done? Why didn’t he stop it? He felt absolutely disgusted by himself and he leaned forward to finish throwing up. When he finally straightened up he wiped his mouth with the back of his shaking and clammy hand and closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears but it didn’t work. He then forcibly dragged himself up the stairs to his flat all the while wishing that a giant boulder would appear and fall on his head.

He honestly couldn’t remember ever feeling this shitty in his life- it was certainly a new low.

He stopped trying to hide the tears as he fumbled with the key in his door until he finally made it fit and then shoved it open.

He didn’t even bother to switch any lights on as he fumbled for the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and pulled off his shirt. He was too tired and sick to care about his jeans so he kicked off his shoes and went back to the sitting room and was about to flop down on the sofa and flick through the channels mindlessly when he was suddenly aware that his sofa wasn’t empty.

Now he looked for the light switch.

“It's only me Sebastian.” It had been such a short time that they’d spent together, really, but he was sure that even if he had died he would know and respond to that voice and that man’s presence.

“Jim. What are you doing here?”  his voice sounded strange even to himself.

“Someone needs to keep a watchful eye on you, it seems you like to cause a stir everywhere you go.”

Sebastian was tired and didn’t feel well and now he was shocked and amazed but his brain felt sluggish, he ran a hand through his hair making it stand on end. “Ho-how did you even get in here?”

Jim laughed dryly, “It’s not particularly difficult to jimmy a lock Sebastian, especially not on that door.”

Sebastian had finally located the switch and he turned it on and his gaze fell on Jim. He was dressed- as always- in perfectly fitted jeans and tonight he was wearing a burgundy sweater over his white t-shirt but that wasn’t the first thing he noticed. Jim was a mess, his eyes seemed blood-shot and puffy, his hair wasn’t groomed as perfectly as usual and his cheeks seemed sunken and hollow.

“Jim-I…” Sebastian didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t worry about it Sebby. I just needed to check in on you.”

_‘Sebby’_?, that was odd, he’d never been anything other than ‘Sebastian’ since he’d known Jim. He felt a warning twinge deep in his gut and he was wary. As of yesterday morning Jim was out of his life, they were finished and moving on in the best interest of everyone so what the hell was he playing at now?

Sebastian’s eyes were burning and his head was beginning to throb at his temples. Jim patted the sofa in an invitation for Sebastian to sit- he remained standing.

Jim heaved an enormous sigh and closed his eyes momentarily. “Fine. Sebastian, I couldn’t leave things the way we did-”

Sebastian laughed loudly, “ _We_?! No, no, no. It was you. I thought we had worked things out and then you fuck off the next morning with nothing but a bloody letter.”

Silence.  Then he continued, “Yes, I understand all that but…” he rubbed a hand tiredly over his face and he sat forward.

Sebastian could feel his resolve slipping.

“Sebastian...I- can’t- I don’t…”

Sebastian moved so he was in front of Jim and he sank to his knees and took Jim’s hands in his own, as usual they were ice cold and Sebastian shuddered. “Jim- I understand. I know what you’re trying to say but it’s hard...it’s _too_ hard and what happened...it was wrong.” he had to look away as he spoke the last words and he could feel the tears threatening to overpower him.

When he looked back Jim was staring at him intently but his eyes seemed dead somehow...like the spark that was once there had disappeared and it broke Sebastian’s heart into a million pieces which he was positive showed on his face.

Jim took a deep breath and firmly tugged his hands free from Sebastian. He nodded a few times and swallowed hard, the muscle in his jaw was working and it seemed as though he was struggling for the right words. His eyes were bright with the unshed tears and he wiped harshly at them.

“What will you do? I assume you aren’t staying here...not with things the way they are with your parents.”

Sebastian sighed and kept his eyes on Jim’s face, he wanted to commit every detail of it to memory. He felt he was going to need it to tide him over in the coming months and possibly even years.

“I- uh- I’ve joined the army. I leave next week for training and then..” he shrugged, “who knows? I could land anywhere in the world.”

It was true. He had stopped by the recruiter’s office earlier that day and made the most ridiculous spur of the moment decision. It was precisely what he needed.

Jim arched his eyebrows, “The _army_? Seems like a terribly regimented thing for you to do. You who spends his days bucking the system.”

Sebastian huffed out a laugh that sounded more like a bark than anything. “Yeah- I reckon it will be difficult to adjust but it might be precisely what I need.” he paused, “What about you? Are you going abroad...to study?”

Jim didn’t answer immediately, he seemed to be doing the same to Sebastian and it was like he was trying to memorize every single feature. It felt to Sebastian as though they had spent a lifetime with one another and in reality it had only been a few, too-short days and now this was it. The end. He could barely breathe at the thought but he knew it was right….he knew that now and he could see that Jim did too.

Jim sighed loudly as a front and wiped his face in an attempt to stop the tears. For the first time he levelled his gaze on Sebastian and it seemed like this was his truest form and Sebastian felt almost as though he was viewing something very private and- in a way- he was. Jim Moriarty never showed this part of himself to anyone and he never would again. This was a privilege and Sebastian understood that as Jim leaned forward and took his hands again.

He pulled Sebastian closer to the sofa and he rested their foreheads together. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t think I can adequately tell you what these few days have taught me or how I’ve been changed. I may never see you again but that doesn’t mean that you should go and get yourself blown up. Understand?”

Sebastian smiled weakly, “yeah, I understand. Jim- I...uh…” he paused and had to close his eyes for a minute. “Jim...I would have uh- stayed with you...you know...if things were...you _know_?”  the end sounded like a plea, like he _needed_ to know that Jim understood.

Jim thought about it and nodded soberly. “Yeah, I do know that. Take care of yourself. Who knows, maybe we will run across one another again some day.” He studied Sebastian for a second or two longer and then he closed his dark, sparkling eyes and leaned in for one final kiss. Sebastian was sure he would never survive it and he had to force himself not to cry out.

He overcame the feeling and then he leaned all the way into the kiss. The sheer sweetness of it was mind numbing. There was no sexual agenda, no passion or heat. It was the only way they could ever let down all of their guard and allow their feelings to enter the other and it was sufficient. Jim held on tightly as though he would never let go but in the end after an interminable amount of time and when they both needed breath they broke apart. Both of their faces were damp as neither was able to control their tears in the end.

Jim stood up leaving Sebastian kneeling on the floor and crying silently.

Jim walked to the door and he paused for one last look. “ _Stay safe my love_.” it was barely above a whisper and then he was gone from the flat, from Sebastian’s life and he could feel the gaping hole that had been left.


	9. Chapter 9

The week that followed was the worst in Sebastian’s memory.

After he’d said goodbye to Jim he decided to pack his things and get ready to depart but he also decided that the proper thing to do would be to tell his parents and he really couldn’t leave without a proper goodbye to his sister- she deserved at least that much.

So, he arranged to have lunch with all three of them at a nearby cafe and his parents had agreed reluctantly. He told his mother that it was important and likely to be the last time he would contact them. She finally agreed. They met at the small establishment around noon and it was very awkward, no one seemed to know where to look after the last time they had all been together and the enormous blow-out but, predictably, it was Agatha who finally broke the ice and hugged Sebastian- she looked as though she’d been crying recently and her normally sleek and glossy hair was tied in a messy bun on her head and he noticed that she didn’t seem to be wearing any makeup which was extremely odd for her. He had a sinking feeling in his gut. His mother and father gave him half-hearted smiles and he led the way inside.

He figured it’d be best to simply get this over with- rather like pulling a band-aid off- as quickly as possible.

When they had all sat and ordered his mother finally spoke. “So, _dear_...what happened to your face? Have you been fighting again?”

He reached up to touch his eye absently, it had started to heal and with everything else on his mind he’d actually forgotten the bruising. “Uh- yeah. Sort of...it was for a good cause…” his sister made and indiscernible sound next to him, he glanced over and saw tears in her eyes.

“What is this all about Sebastian?” his father asked with an edge of annoyance to his voice and a glance at his expensive watch, “I have a two o’clock tee-time which I would sincerely like to make.”

Sebastian sighed feeling fatigued already, “Well- uh...the thing is...I’m...leaving.” His words were met with stunned silence.

As usual it was his sister who spoke first again. “What are you talking about Seb? Where are you going?” her voice was flat- emotionless.

“I joined the army and I leave next week for training.”

More silence.

His mother seemed to be trying to process the information while his father just looked skeptical. “Joined the army? Why would you do that?” he finally asked when it seemed like someone had to say something.

“I need to do something with my life and it seemed like the best option.” he shrugged and took a drink of his water.

“Seb….you can’t go off to the army.” Agatha’s voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were wide with disbelief.  As brash as he was capable of being this was the farthest thing from what anyone expected of him.

Sebastian swallowed hard, “I-I have to...Ag..it's my only c-chance...please understand.”  he could hardly stand the look on her face.

His father then did something he hadn’t done in Sebastian’s entire life. He smiled. He looked genuinely pleased with his son for the first time ever and it annoyed Sebastian more than it should have. “Well son, I’m glad you’re _finally_ seeing some sense and doing the right thing. Good man.”

Sebastian felt sick. His mother, too, actually looked pleased with him and she even relented a little and allowed a tight smile. For the first time he began wondering if this really was a mistake.

_Well_ , he thought, there was no backing out now and so the family made their uncomfortable way through the last meal they would share together and it couldn’t end quickly enough for Sebastian. Outside the restaurant Sebastian shook his father’s hand curtly and without emotion and allowed his mother to kiss him on each cheek while pretending to worry for his safety before the two of them hugged and kissed Agatha and then turned to leave.

The sun peeked out weakly from behind some heavy grey clouds for a few moments while the siblings stood awkwardly on the pavement. Something was on Agatha’s mind and he knew her well enough to know that all he could do was wait so he lit a cigarette. Finally, after nearly five whole minutes, she turned to face him. Her eyes were troubled and he saw her concern etched into her features.

“I love you Seb. And I know why you’re leaving.”

He was startled, “Y-you do?”

She smiled sadly, “Yes. He’s an easy man to love and a very difficult one to move on from.”

“B-but...I’m not- I mean…”

She shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped at it, “I know everything Seb and I’m only sad that you didn’t tell me or I..I dunno. I just wish you hadn’t carried on behind my back is all.”

Sebastian suddenly felt weary and his body and his soul ached and all he could think of doing was crying until his tears dried up and he just wanted to hug his sister and have her give her forgiveness.

“Ag...I…” then the tears came and she did exactly what he needed just like she always did and she hugged him tightly and cried right along with him.

It was a few minutes later and after many onlookers wondered what was wrong when they finally broke apart, wiping at their tear stained cheeks.

“Just...be safe, please, Seb. I love you and I need you to come home safely.”

“I will Ag. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you sis.”

Neither of them had any way to know that it was the last time they would see one another but it was for the best that the future was unknown because if either of them had even a clue they never would have let go of one another.


	10. Chapter 10

_** 15 Years Later ** _

His alarm beeped annoyingly from his bedside table and he slapped at it in a vain attempt at quieting the bloody thing. Finally, after failing numerous times, he rolled over and found the button that gave him blissful silence. It was still dark outside his window and he groaned as he sat up and stretched. He hadn’t slept much again last night and he had only just fallen into some kind of restless slumber shortly before his alarm blared.

He tried not to dwell on it as he got up and found some shorts and a t-shirt and laced up his trainers. Ever since his time in the military he found that he couldn’t really begin his day without a dawn run- regardless of how tired he was.

When he returned home he hit the shower and got dressed. He had an interview today- finally- and he wanted to look his best. He wore his dark suit and a crisp, white button up finishing the ensemble with a thin, blood-red tie. He _really_ needed this job and not just for the pay- which would be welcome- but because he couldn’t spend his days loping around London and feeling sorry for himself. He mostly wanted a distraction. He wanted something to occupy his thoughts and stop him dwelling on his past.

Unbidden his sister’s face came back to him from the last time they had spoken outside of the small cafe in their hometown. He wondered for the millionth time how he had fucked up so badly and why he hadn’t been around to protect her but then he also told himself that no matter where he was or what he had been doing it wouldn’t have stopped the accident from happening and he couldn’t have stopped her dying.

He shook himself. He needed to clear his head if he wanted to pass this interview so he grabbed his things and headed for the street and a cab. It didn’t take him long to flag one down and he hopped quickly in the back giving directions to the driver.

He couldn’t help catching his own reflection in the tinted back window of the car and he marveled at how much he looked like the late Sir Augustus. Another trait carried over from his military years was his habit of keeping his hair cropped short and it helped to accent his strong jaw and after years of uncertainty and the sorrow of his sister’s death the lines around his eyes and on his forehead seemed much deeper. He sighed and leaned back in his seat.

He had been on so many interviews over the last several months and he knew how these things usually went- he had no idea that jobs in the private security industry were so competitive- but the e-mail confirmation he’d received this time had different directions and so he couldn’t help feeling a bit hopeful. Every other prospective employer had met with him at their office, a tactic to keep the upper hand and Sebastian knew that but this particular potential employer had made arrangements at a restaurant saying that they felt more comfortable discussing things over lunch.

And so here he was, making his way across town to the place indicated and running over his possible lines in his head. _God_ , he really wanted this one. It sounded perfect. Security. For a high level, well known and incredibly powerful businessman. The name had not been disclosed as a security measure and Sebastian would be made privy to that sort of information only if he was hired and his background cleared. It seemed to have just the right amount of risk and plenty of travel involved. It was perfect and now all he needed to do was nail this interview.

The cab rolled smoothly to a stop outside the restaurant and he got out quickly and paid the cabbie. The place was evidently expensive and didn’t seem to be a place that Sebastian would ever choose to dine in if he were the one making the arrangements. He sighed and smoothed his shirt into his trousers and buttoned his coat as he headed for the entrance.

He gave his name to the man at the door and was immediately led to a very private booth near the back which was shielded from the other patrons by a wall made entirely of wine bottles- most of which boasted vintages much older than Sebastian and he could only imagine what they must cost. He sat alone at the table and sipped his water nervously as he waited for- whomever it was he was waiting for. He was really becoming anxious now and he couldn’t help drumming his fingers on the table impatiently and constantly looking around the place trying to catch a glimpse of someone heading in his direction.

It felt like he’d been sitting there for ages and he started to wonder whether he’d mistaken the date or the time or even the location. Just as he was about to reach for his mobile to check his e-mail however, a tall, handsome and dark skinned man came walking toward him. The man smiled as he reached the table and Sebastian stood to shake his hand.

“Sebastian Moran. My name is Ronald Adair and I will be conducting your interview today.”

Sebastian smiled as the man sat and requested a water from the server without even glancing at him. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a few official looking documents which he shuffled in front of him on the table then he looked up and regarded Sebastian shrewdly.

“So, tell me about yourself Sebastian.”

Sebastian thought the man seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn’t exactly place him so he breathed deeply and told the man his qualifications.

He explained how he had had special sniper training as well as hand to hand combat while in the army. Without sounding too self absorbed he told him of his excellent marksmanship as well as his top marks from the academy. Adair seemed distracted and more than a bit skeptical but he allowed him to continue uninterrupted.

Their meals arrived and Sebastian had pretty much said all that he could about himself and his skill set and he was feeling slightly uneasy because it seemed as though Adair was unimpressed. They ate in relative silence except for a few tidbits here and there and some small talk which was painful.

When they had finished Adair sat back in his seat and sighed contentedly. Sebastian was nervous. “One final question Sebastian.”

Sebastian nodded in agreement. “How do you feel about travel?”

“I-I’m sorry?”

“Travel. My boss is required to travel the globe in the interest of his clients and we need to know how you feel about joining him. Is there any reason that you might object to travelling to, say, India with little to no warning? Any family? Wife? Children?”

Sebastian was naturally puzzled but he didn’t let it show as he shook his head, “No, there is no one keeping me here. I am free to go to India today if need be.” he knew he sounded snarky but he didn’t care.

The man smiled and it was the first genuine sign of emotion that Sebastian saw over the past hour and a half.

“Very well. Come with me Sebastian.”

Adair flagged the server and muttered some words to him which Sebastian couldn’t hear and the young man hurried away.

He turned back to Sebastian, “This way.” then he strode toward the front of the building and toward the parking lane where a sleek black sedan had just rolled smoothly to the curb. Adair held open the door nearest the curb for Sebastian to slide in and then he shut the door and was gone.

Sebastian was confused but sighing he turned and looked around the luxury vehicle and was startled more than he could he ever have imagined.

“Did you miss me?” came the most familiar, ringing voice. A voice which he had intended to never hear again and a man whom he was sure would remain forever a part of his past was sitting beside him wearing aviator sunglasses and a dark over coat with leather gloves. His dark hair was sleek and groomed and seemed to have receded a bit from his hairline as he aged and yet it only added to his attraction.

“Jim Moriarty.”  Sebastian breathed his name like a prayer.

Jim nodded, “Indeed. Welcome aboard Sebastian Moran.”

Sebastian laughed, “So, you’re my new boss?”

“Only if you accept my offer.”

The car rolled away from the curb. Sebastian thought for a moment or two and then he smiled widely. “How could I possibly refuse?”

“ _Very_ good.” Jim responded and then he moved his right hand slightly and rested it on top of Sebastian’s where it rested on the seat between them.

Sebastian sighed happily. He was finally home.


End file.
